i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
