I am in a vortex of obligation.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
