Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize