You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
