also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
