I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
