I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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