There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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