Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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