I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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