You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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