ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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