She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
