:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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