A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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