I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize