I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i drank out of a bidet.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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