Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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