You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
