We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
