I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
