I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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