I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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