he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
