even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
