Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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