you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
