think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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