I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
