I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think I won the penis lottery.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
