sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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