We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you win again, gameday.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
