I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
