I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
