I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
