So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
