I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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