Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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