At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
