I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
