OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
