Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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