i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
