I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
