Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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