you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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