Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
