he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize