Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
