He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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