My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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