I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
