I think I won the penis lottery.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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