fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
