Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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