come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
as a side note pls kill me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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