Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
