If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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