He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
