would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize