I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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