my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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