My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
