I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
