There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize