I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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