sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
