Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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