No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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