His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
