I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize