the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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