They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize