just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
