He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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