I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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