All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
