DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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