i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
