I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
