We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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