I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
