He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
