he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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