my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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