I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
