I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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