Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
