I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
