I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You need Xanax blowdarts
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
third nipple confirmed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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