oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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