We named our party play list daddy issues
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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